Poems

I smell it, 

fresh water falling from the sky

falling from your chocolate eyes 

the night closes in around me

and I grab your hand 

begging you to understand

we run to the night

run to the world that gives us sight

we spin in circles, blanketed by 

the grace of God’s tears

by the joy of our vanishing fears

by knowing that the sadness disappeared

I see your smile in the flashes of lightning

hear your heartbeat in the pulses of thunder

we thrive, as children in a forest

playing pretend until the sunlight ends

but their creativity remains

while with age, our thoughts are placed in chains

until the day,

we decide to play in the rain

Let me hide in this bed,

hidden in the darkness of my blanket

in the comfort of my cotton sheets

surrounded by what cannot hurt me

what cannot break my heart

the fragility of love is killing me

sucking the life from my very lungs

please, I can’t breathe 

I can’t bear this anymore

sleep evades me,

food possesses my minimum desires

tears ravage the strength I no longer acquire

nothing makes sense 

the abstract of my mind has reached insanity

I have failed them,

and they let me drown.

I cannot find my way to the surface,

but the truth is, I’ve forgotten how to try.

I can’t breathe
the thought of being forced to leave
crushes the heart I wear on my sleeve
I look into your eyes,
seeking answers that I cannot find
You don’t know who you are,
but I see it in you
in the dimples on your cheeks when you smile
I see the pain you’ve forgotten how to hide
in the dark, my hand stretches for yours,
but it never reaches its destination
your tears make you beautiful,
your pain makes you indestructible
your words make you mysterious
and your heart makes you flawless
how can I say these words to you
how can I express my fondness of your face
or that your smile makes it hard to breathe
that when night falls, I long to lay in your arms,
to inhale the freshness of your skin
how can I, when you need a friend,
when you need me as an empty journal, not a finished book?

My God,

all I want is to hold him

to see the boldness of his eyes

it breaks my heart when he cries

when his smile is hiding

imprisoned in the sadness of his soul

in the weight of his inadequacy

in the brink of his despair

why can’t I help him? 

why can’t I carry his fear?

why can’t I help at all?

I dreamt of you,

and realized how much I missed your smile

the laugh lines that played in the corners of your mouth

the glimmer of your chocolate eyes

how you always made everything make sense

I woke up, and I didn’t feel alive

you asked if I felt alright

but all the while, I told you lies

I sensed my own insignificance 

repelled against the world

gravity betrayed me

told me never to be beautiful

I prayed to God not to see you,

but your presence became known

the sound of your voice butchered my ear drums

and the life of my heart slipped away

I was a sitting corpse

sitting in the filth of my own guilt

and I could no longer eat, no longer sleep,

no longer breathe

the words were stolen from me 

and I feel the urge to leave

to return to bitter sleep

to the days without an identity

I felt your warm breath on my face

and I thought of your lips

how soft, how sweet, the joy of sinful bliss

I closed my eyes and felt your simple touch 

the swift movement of your tongue

pressed firmly against my teeth 

the sensual taste of your love

visible by your gentle kiss

your heart was beating so quickly,

so audible in my ears

I grab your hair and take one more breath before indulging you, 

melding into you once more

before it’s time to open my eyes

and see you haven’t changed

you stare as if I’m strange 

but I think of you and fade away

silenced by the beauty upon your face

that sends me to a heavenly place

I can’t help but look into your eyes

and when I do, I see what might have been

and what I hope someday will be.